According to a recent government survey called ‘Happiness at Work’, more than a quarter of us in the UK feel the same. One of the main sources cited was a sense of conflict with the boss. The reasons for conflict ranged from feeling undervalued to unimpressed with the manager’s skills and expertise.

Such feelings tend to breed unhappy workers who inwardly brood and grow more stressed and disgruntled. If any of the above matches your current situation beware. Left unchecked this kind of thinking although providing some solace will eventually have you caught fast like a wriggling insect in a spider’s web of resentment and stress. You’ll start to lose confidence, lack motivation and put the brakes on your career progression.

Rocky Road to Destruction
For example I have a friend who was part of a senior team of managers supporting a young boss who although inexperienced was very arrogant and a power freak to boot. This young manager was consistent in one aspect of style; she would disagree with any of her senior manager’s advice or suggestions on how to complete projects or the way forward. Then, taking a defensive stance on her view being the right one would plough ahead with her own decisions. Consequently all the projects or initiatives that she launched would backfire or fail and the senior managers would be left to face the music.

To cut a long story short after some six month’s worth of such disasters my friend went from being an assured, confident and creative team member to being anxious, self-doubting and burnt out.

The situation grew into a serious conflict situation between her and the boss. Because relationships were already rocky and my friend was fuelled by stressful thoughts and resentment any remedial dialogue between the two was impossible. Although ultimately my friend took professional advice and decided to leave her post the whole experience set her progression back by more than a year.

Take a Reality Check
So if you’re feeling less than impressed with your boss here’s some advice. Don’t let your thinking entrench you in a slough of stress and despondency because you’ll regret it. Remember your manager can make or break your career or get you fired. Negative and bitter thinking tends to remove you from reality and clouds your powers of wisdom. And when the stakes are your career and livelihood you really should keep your thinking on the side of reality.

Check-List of Questions to Ask
Because even if what you say to yourself about your boss is true, it doesn’t follow that you should give up being responsible for your feelings. It’s a good idea to take a step back and ask yourself some probing questions. Such as:

Once you’ve taken the first step above you may be more clear about what action you can take. Even if it means a new job you at least can create an action plan.

Take the long view and weigh up the elements of the situation and then work out what skills, knowledge and experience you can bring to bear to improve the situation. Doing this will help your mind think about the future and what career or work experience benefits could be gained.

Suppose you feel that your boss never praises or thanks you for your efforts. Then take any opportunity to teach by example. Many years ago I worked for someone who never praised me or thanked anyone for their efforts. So at a team meeting I thanked her very slowly and genuinely for taking the trouble to sort out an expense claim. She was open mouthed but positively glowed. From then on she became a great supporter of my efforts.

Try on the management hat and look at how you’re performing. Do you feel that your contribution is making the difference? Are there areas in your job role that you need help or training with?

Unclear expectations on both sides can be the reason for conflicts. So have you ever checked with your boss what they want you to prioritise? Once you understand this you can either plan accordingly or at least discuss any implications.

Some or all of the above action steps will help you get unstuck and should improve your confidence. Thinking despondently and negatively saps your confidence and energy levels.

But if you feel you may already be on the path to burnout take this assessment or download my free report on Burnout on the left-hand side of this page. Or consider some professional help to get your mind thinking right now.